I hate when my mother is right....

"It's going to catch up with you someday--you can't eat like that forever, just wait till your twenties"...like most things, I'm starting to learn, my mother was right. I remember Sunday morning rituals with my high school best friend (I think combined we weighed 210 pounds)--ten piece chicken McNuggets, supersized, Dr Pepper--we figured since we didn't cave and have apple pies or desert, we would be fine. As unfair as life really is--my high school pal, although 9 months VERY pregnant, is still adorably dainty, petite, and although I'm almost positive she isn't pounding down those McDonald's nuggets, thin as a rail. I never struggled with my weight growing up, if anything, I was teased for being so skinny...my shoulder blades stuck out of my back, my collarbone poked out of my vnecks, and my jeans sagged, thankfully, that was "the style".

Welcome to college--and the freshman 50. I met my, now, ex husband, began working in a steakhouse, and enjoyed burger king whoppers almost daily. It didn't come on fast and furious, it was a gradual porking. I do know, however, the last time I wore a bikini with any confidence was the summer of '97....the same year I got a butterfly tattoo on my right hip. I think I cursed myself with the tattoo--those burly men should warn young girls "You may get fat...this could stretch, consider getting something on your ankle". Flash forward, four little boys later, and I have mothra growing on my right side--eventually I will get Godzilla on the opposite end, sell tickets, and have a fight of epic proportions on my stomach--the butterfly might win.

I think I've tried every diet--I've vacayed in South Beach, drank bacon fat with Atkins, joined Queen Latifah in Nutrisystem, paid mucho dinero to lose 30 pounds in 30 days, paid hundreds on personal trainers who forced me to eat chicken and broccoli daily and tank protein shakes and egg whites, started an "all natural" diet where I had to cleanse my body by going organic, drink this terrible shake, and after a month, start giving myself injections in my stomach--I even tried bulimia--I quickly realized that digestive pyrotechnics were not my thing. I tried it all--got some results with a few, then with as quickly as it came off, it came back ten fold (like pulling a grey hair). I guess I felt as long as I was trying I would be ok--I would get on the scale and quickly get off--see a pound or two fall off and think I'm ok. There is one thing that never lies...and those are the candid pictures that begin popping up on Myspace, Facebook, and those "friends" begin tagging you for ALL to see--I had always stuck to shoulder and up shots--quirked my head at an angle and smiled.

The final straw was after my pregnancy with my now, 4 month old. I spent every day tossing cookies, watched my body deteriorate, and realized, this was NOT the time to diet--I tried hard to maintain weight so my little one would thrive, reducing myself to chugging Sunny D daily concentrating on keeping the weight on and the juice DOWN. My lowest moment was a week before Sammy was born--at 260 pounds (should I mention I only gained 5 pounds my ENTIRE pregnancy...ya, do the math), I sat on my kitchen floor, I was reaching for the cutting board and I couldn't get back up...I was too heavy, my body hurt, my heart hurt, I was always short of breath, and I knew, it was all too much. I cried, it's all I could do...Michael rushed to my side and did damage control, but, he knew that I had hit rock bottom--the pregnancy had already been terrible enough and now, this. I resolved to never let this happen again--as soon as I had Sammy, it was time to change.

After all the years of crazy diets, work out sessions, gym memberships, and tears--I found something that worked. It's simple, doesn't cost money, and entails just changing life habits--some harder to change than others. I get emails on how I've lost the weight, and in actuality, there is not secret-I just gave up what was bad for me. There are no fast food restaurants, no alcohol, stopped eating red meat, stick to grilled chicken, fish, and ground turkey. I refuse to give up carbs, breads, pastas, etc. I still eat those in my diet, just not as much as before. I no longer eat processed foods, threw away the jarred spaghetti sauces, canned veggies, and stick with only fresh ingredients (yes, I learned how to make my own pasta sauces), I use sodium free chicken broth, fresh garlic and spices. I drink a lot of water, I took caffeine and sodas off my "like list" and stick with sugar free juices if I want something sweet-for those that hate to cook or do not consider themselves suave in the kitchen, this may not be too helpful for you--One thing I am thankful for is my love for cooking AND the fact I'm damn good at it. I do indulge in sweets if I feel like it--but, it's about limits, I don't eat candy like the days of yore. Since August, I have lost close to 50 pounds--I'm trying to lose 20 before Christmas--not only a small goal for me, but, it will be the first time in years I have been under 200 pounds.

I have battled my weight for almost 12 years...but it has been the last 5 that I let it get out of control. Having children, struggling with a bad marriage, going through an even worse divorce, going back to college, finishing my degree, working two sometimes three jobs just to get by--it takes its toll. Food was my friend, alcohol was my escape, and sweets were my forgiveness. If I stayed fat, I could continue to be the funny fat girl in class, as a teacher, with my group of friends, and in life. Eventually, you stop laughing at yourself and realize, you need to stop being the butt of all your own jokes and do something about it. I have four little boys I want to run with in the park, a husband I want to spend my life with, friends I want to go shopping with and NOT have to dig to the back of the rack, or know that nothing in that particular store will fit--I want to stop hiding from all the bad and start living for all the good my life has finally brought me.

I will never be Giselle thin, which is FINE with me--but I would like to look in the mirror and recognize who I am--I don't want to be the "pretty fat girl", I want to just be Andria--adorable, quirky, hilarious, dependable, and healthy.