The netti pot, organics, Dora the whore, and you're an idiot...

I didn't think it was possible to have worse allergies than what I suffered with in El Paso. Until my body was introduced to molds, humidity, things that grow in humidity, and Austin. As a result, I have invested enough money in Kleenex, Afrin and Claritin to control half of their businesses--- I am miserable, and being pregnant makes me limited on the many wonderful drugs I "could" take. As a result, I have been pretty limited and desperate. I was telling a friend about my issues and she said I needed to try the "Neti Pot"....All I could think of was the woman with the blank look on her face as she held a tea pot and poured water through her nostril--I believe you have to have that look on your face to voluntarily put water up and through your nose. But she swore by it--"I haven't had allergies since I started, their gone, completely gone". I've seen this product on tv and know that those "items" can be found in the "Beyond" section of Bed Bath and Beyond--I figure it's worth the investment and I should look into one of these. If it will clear my sinuses and make me free of Afrin forever, I will name my next child Neti--well, maybe my next goldfish.

So, I head out and search the "Beyond". First let me state this, the "as seen on tv" market is flooded with worthless crap--and I want about 98% of it. The water globes I could do without--I don't have potted plants, would be a total waste of money. I looked high and low--mostly because it was an entire wall filled with this crap, from up top to down low, really wasn't much of a pun there. Couldn't find it...headed to Walgreens--got some trash bags--we're going to be "hefty hefty hefty"...not "stinky stinky stinky", but, no Neti Pot. I did some thinking...and it hit me like an organic superstore-- "Whole Foods". This pot is that wholesome organic crap they would be into--so, off I went. Sure enough, smack in the middle of organic horse piss pills that will make your skin glow, and recycled toothbrushes, neti pots. There are a crap load of these things...even travel sized. I got the one that looked safe, some salt, and of course strawberries and milk (hey, I was there, why not). When I got home, I unwrapped this thing, read the directions, and headed to the bathroom. First, let me state, the look on your face when doing this process is NOT as blank as the woman in the commercial, I was more in awe of the water coming out the other side of my nose--maybe because I got an actual neti pot and not the "as seen on tv" version, mine doesn't make me do the stupid face. Now, remember when you would jump into the pool as a kid and forget to plug your nose---it's a terrible feeling and I was doing this to myself on purpose. It's been a few hours, and well, my nose doesn't feel much different...I'm supposed to do this stuff once a day, I guess it will take effect in a couple of days, I'll keep everyone posted. 

Other than pouring water through my nose...I have had some other interesting "seriously?" moments. One was a headline on my yahoo mail over mothers being "upset" over some newly uncovered revamped Dora the Explorer. It seems like many other marketing ploys, Nickelodeon has realized that children outgrow this awful football headed, spanish speaking, monkey befriending cartoon. I personally feel that the only good part of the show is when Swiper steals her crap...I root for that fox constantly. Anyway, they are trying to revamp Dora to suit "tweens"...basically, her head is normal shape, she's wearing leggings, long shirt, and has longer hair. Mothers are IRATE I tell you!!! Ok...I was a stay at home mom once, I have friends that are stay at home moms--maybe my friends and I aren't this passionate about cartoons, we don't give a rats ass about what happens to Dora, or we're all terrible mothers...but, if a cartoon girl that is trying to teach you how to say "Mountain" in spanish, grows her hair out and sports some leggings, I don't think it should make a national headline. These women seriously need to quite going to kindermusic, stop the playgroups, step away from the organic potato chips, and get a fricken life. 

Second, if you feel your child is going to be influenced that seriously by Dora, you're kid is an idiot. You might as well start a procedure now to sterilize your child so it does not procreate another generation of people who become irate over Barney changing a colored spot on his tail. With everything going on in this country and world...Dora is NOT my top priority. Honestly, this takes me back to the Cookie Monster debacle of '06--he isn't supposed to eat vegetables people, he's a stuffed monster with someones hand up his ass--let the fake thing eat pretend cookies and move on with your lives. My child is not going to get "fat" because of a muppet or turn into a whore because of Dora...They will turn into a whore because I buy them sweat pants with the word "cutie" on the ass, high heeled flip flops, and get fat because they sit on their asses all day and watch Sesame Street and Dora while their mother sits on internet chat boards bitching about Dora being a whore. Ugh, don't these women have Jonas Brother albums to go take off the shelves at Wal Mart?!?! It just shocks me how Americans blame television icons for their children's poor influences and choices. I grew up with Barbie...I have never gone out with a man missing his most precious anatomy parts, driven a red corvette, or lived in a house with an open back end and an elevator someone has to pull a string to get me up and down in. It's a fricken TOY...I guess my mother did a good job teaching me the difference between real life and child's play. 

I swear, these women upset over the Dora thing are the same mother's who refuse to spank their children...rather, "reason" and "talk it out" with an 18 month old..."Now Ella, we don't stab other children at church daycare, we love Jesus, and Jesus wouldn't like that...let's go discuss this over an organic low fat green tea latte with two sugars and three pumps of peppermint, I think it's because Dora wears leggings that you're acting out". Maybe I'm just being stereotypical...I did end up at Whole Foods today looking for a pot to put water into so I can pour it through my nose. I have fallen victim to "yuppieism" periodically...but for the most part, I see the stupidity in things, and this Dora thing, ugh, we need to just stop. Maybe the Neti Pot will be their solution as well...

Until next time...

Peace my bebes,

Andria